my name is amanda.
i'm learning to love life.
aim: ambisuxtrous
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
oh this is glorious.
Hugz from Dad, xo.
Dad: ({})
Me: What?!
Dad: It’s a hug.
Me: …that doesn’t mean what you think it means.
AHHHLECKS.: When helping your best friend get over a break up
- Do not tell her that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say, “BUT I DON’T WANT A FISH. I WANT HIM. I WANT HIM BACK. WAHHHHHH.” Then you’re a socially awkward penguin.
- Do not tell her that he was stupid for leaving her.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say, “I…
we can’t resist this stuff. you know, when hockey meets….
(via caramelization)
ohhhh yes!
tfln rant.
(250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
(951): Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you “nice try”. (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity (916): The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, “Hi, I’m Alex. Nice to meet you”. Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless. (916): We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame. (916): I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike. (209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70’s purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future. (209): this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the “stellar” blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.(615): He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
wow…
it’s completely pathetic that the most exciting thing to happen this morning was a misdialed phone call from some random person asking for hector. i need more friends..
